yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
