i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
