Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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