College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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