I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
