so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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