You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
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So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
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I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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