Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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