I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize