Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
