he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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