walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
