I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
