Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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