woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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