I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
