She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
