Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
