Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
