So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
