well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Vodka?
Forever.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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