I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
