And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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