Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
