i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
