How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
