I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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