You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
