I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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