CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
