It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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