put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
