I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
