i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
