I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Boobs speak an international language.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
