I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
