put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
