whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
