I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
