If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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