you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
