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Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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