just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
