apparently the secret to your success is patron
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
