butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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