I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
