Someone shit on the floor
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
