Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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