She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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