Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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