Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
