some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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