i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He has the fingertips of a God
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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