I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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