So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
