i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
