Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
