We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
