recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
