Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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