dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
