in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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