Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
