sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
